i would really like a day when i don't think of him. today is not that day. since i woke up this morning ive thought about the lies he's told me and i continue to take offense to them. God please i pray that i will no longer take offense to them. what's done is done and praise you for finally letting me see the real him!! i should be happy im out of the whole mess but im not happy about being deceived. i want to forgive him for going behind my back and speaking evil words saturated with honey and peanut butter. he used my favorite ingredients to make me swallow his lies and believe he could be the person i wanted him to be. i don't know how to deal with all of these emotions because i feel like there is this hole in my stomach that refuses to close. it closes for a second when i smoke a cigarette but then when the nicotine is burnt out the hole is empty again.