Friday, October 23, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Coldie but Goodie
today has been a great rainy day :)
i took a US History midterm this morning and i feel pretty good about it. the study secession with Mara was fast and informative last night. anything i didn't know she knew and vise verse. later i had yoga and i decided to leave during corpse pose to go outside and smoke a cigarette. (Oh by the way i did a head stand in class!! yay! my first two ever!) it was a good decision because when i was standing outside, staring at the rain, i saw Andy. surprisingly he stopped and talked to me for a good ten minutes. we discussed mutual friends and talked about how we both love history, cigarettes and scary movies. when he left for basketball class i proceeded to math.
the homework that was due today (which i completed) is put off until next week. so Jessica and i spent the class catching up on in class assignments and talking to the other girls about my music class. it's so cute because we are all going to be elementary school teachers are were all very enthusiastic about children's songs and story books. i never realized the itsy bitsy spider would be fun to sing again.
after class i decided a good lunch would be a soy chai latte and a reduced fat coffee cake :) i don't feel bad about it because both items were in small portions and plus i never drink lattes from Starbucks! i don't care if i see the sugar on my butt later because it was tasty :)
work has been busy off and on. about an hour ago Tracy helped me buy a pink nano ipod off of eBay for $90 well with shipping and stuff it came out to 105 but its brand new and has 8gb!
i took a US History midterm this morning and i feel pretty good about it. the study secession with Mara was fast and informative last night. anything i didn't know she knew and vise verse. later i had yoga and i decided to leave during corpse pose to go outside and smoke a cigarette. (Oh by the way i did a head stand in class!! yay! my first two ever!) it was a good decision because when i was standing outside, staring at the rain, i saw Andy. surprisingly he stopped and talked to me for a good ten minutes. we discussed mutual friends and talked about how we both love history, cigarettes and scary movies. when he left for basketball class i proceeded to math.
the homework that was due today (which i completed) is put off until next week. so Jessica and i spent the class catching up on in class assignments and talking to the other girls about my music class. it's so cute because we are all going to be elementary school teachers are were all very enthusiastic about children's songs and story books. i never realized the itsy bitsy spider would be fun to sing again.
after class i decided a good lunch would be a soy chai latte and a reduced fat coffee cake :) i don't feel bad about it because both items were in small portions and plus i never drink lattes from Starbucks! i don't care if i see the sugar on my butt later because it was tasty :)
work has been busy off and on. about an hour ago Tracy helped me buy a pink nano ipod off of eBay for $90 well with shipping and stuff it came out to 105 but its brand new and has 8gb!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
the self seeking me
blah!
today has been good but also a trip down memory lane. im not ever sure if i would say memory lane maybe more of a bad relationship haunting. yeah that's what it feels like, a haunting. Christian radio just told me keep praying, pray through all the hard times. well what exactly do i pray? please God help me see your truth and not all his lies and help me see the beauty in this whole situation. help me to not be self seeking in working out or getting ready for the day or a night on the town. i want to do the defined challenge with my dad in January but all i can think of is trying to look my best so that D face will see me and feel like a loser. how is that doing any good for me? or for him? why do i need some selfish person who is consumed with body image and consumed with getting attention from any female who looks his way? what kind of attention would i be getting? his lustful attention and that's meaningless. he's never looked at me and said, "oh what a great loving person." no he's either said, "wow she looks good ill try and get her back" or "hmm today is a bad hair and body day for her so ill call britt." im sick of wanting his attention! why am i so addicted it's done absolutely nothing good for me in the past why would it do any good now????
today has been good but also a trip down memory lane. im not ever sure if i would say memory lane maybe more of a bad relationship haunting. yeah that's what it feels like, a haunting. Christian radio just told me keep praying, pray through all the hard times. well what exactly do i pray? please God help me see your truth and not all his lies and help me see the beauty in this whole situation. help me to not be self seeking in working out or getting ready for the day or a night on the town. i want to do the defined challenge with my dad in January but all i can think of is trying to look my best so that D face will see me and feel like a loser. how is that doing any good for me? or for him? why do i need some selfish person who is consumed with body image and consumed with getting attention from any female who looks his way? what kind of attention would i be getting? his lustful attention and that's meaningless. he's never looked at me and said, "oh what a great loving person." no he's either said, "wow she looks good ill try and get her back" or "hmm today is a bad hair and body day for her so ill call britt." im sick of wanting his attention! why am i so addicted it's done absolutely nothing good for me in the past why would it do any good now????
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