i would really like a day when i don't think of him. today is not that day. since i woke up this morning ive thought about the lies he's told me and i continue to take offense to them. God please i pray that i will no longer take offense to them. what's done is done and praise you for finally letting me see the real him!! i should be happy im out of the whole mess but im not happy about being deceived. i want to forgive him for going behind my back and speaking evil words saturated with honey and peanut butter. he used my favorite ingredients to make me swallow his lies and believe he could be the person i wanted him to be. i don't know how to deal with all of these emotions because i feel like there is this hole in my stomach that refuses to close. it closes for a second when i smoke a cigarette but then when the nicotine is burnt out the hole is empty again.

im such a stupid girl. i continued to push for the truth and now i have all my answers. well alot of answers and my mind is just filling in the rest. the whole thing is haunting me!!!! ugh!!! i just want to beat the hell out of him!!! why would you do that!! that smug asshole text me and said i took her to the beach and my sister's wedding, we had an amazing time. wow!! i freaking hate you!!!!! before he left he cried until he had a bloody nose and when he came home he was right where we left off. "just be with my katie, i want to be your only one." fuck you!!! fuck you!!! ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what am i suppose to do with all the rage... ugh... just let it go.. just let it go. his sin will find him out. i hate being right about everything when it comes to this. i knew better everytime!!!! he took advantage

I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! UGH!!

oh i am furious right now!!
don't F with me you son of a ugh!!. i should have been alot meaner earlier on. i should have destoried your life when i had the chance and when it would not have made me look this stupid!!
she's not even pretty!! ahh..i really thought the girl had a chance but when i finally looked at all of her pictures...she's a dog! it's like the mullet fat asian again!! accept this chick isn't fat, she actually has a pretty nice body. her face tho!! like reallly?? he said it himself, "id take a nasty faced girl with a sexy body over a gorgeous faced girl and a nasty body." who the fuck says that! like really who!? a moron that's who!! and he had the nerve to call me "half retarded" yea because i fn dated you for so long that's the only reason you thought that about me!! she's all about politics and the news..that's awesome..that's how adam is and i like that about him but D man (pussy of a man) didn't even vote!! didn't vote!!!!! and he is dating a girl who was student body president. i asked him what he thought about the canidates and he said, "they're equally good." well how so? "i dunno..they just are." wow fn really?? hmm i wonder what your political short haired burnette girlfriend thinks about your stupid ass mind. i hate you so much you bastard!!!! no wonder why you were so nice to me whenever i found anything out, you were afriad i would tell her. then you finally pissed me off enough and i did tell her you disgusting cheater!! you even cheat on math tests and pyschology tests. i can remember one time telling you i was afriad to take my math test and you said, "just look at someone else's paper." "is that what you do." "yeah, when i don't know the answer." don't call me "half retarded" when i pass all my classes on my own and you pass them (oh wait you fail a class every semester) by cheating. what a great fn nurse you're going to be.. oh wait you can't get into nursing school.

Tonight is movie night with ashley and hopefully ashlynn and for sure mario (the adorable hispanic guy with the cute smile. i met him at a party once where i played quarters with a glass of orange juice and he laughed and made fun of me.) we're seeing the new brad pitt movie!! it's about wwII but it looks like there will be a very funny twist on it. i wonder if the vets think those sort of movies are amusing? i wonder if in 60 years we'll find a twin tower movie amusing? hmm i like that were going early (7pm) the last year of my life has been a series of very late movies followed by bad choices. it's feeling good to go to bed early and to be hanging out with people who don't make me feel like im not good enough and im okay being myself with. i feel like the pressure is off in some weird way :)
today i took a shower in my madre's new bathroom..the lady installed two shower heads.. it's purty nice! it was like i was showering in the hot jungle, waiting for the man of my dreams under a waterfall spraying ice cold water in every direction!! just kidding it wasn't near that cool.. sorry mom.
work has been dull with spurts of business every few hours. watching my dad get his "sales on" is hilarious! the man could sell anything! i love when he is here because he takes over at certain moments of the conversation and ends up selling the customer far more than they knew they wanted.. lol. he has his little sales techniques, sort of like tonyisims. earlier i said to tracy, "look he's doing the water trick again.."

Like finding ten dollars in your pocket!

so far this morning i rode on a bike for an hour next to eric and des. we went 12 miles! it was great and now my calves are sore :) that means im skinnier! jk

a customer of ours blew out a tire on our curb so he is talking on his cell phone pacing around the store, which is okay by me because he's not talking my ear off he's talking to the poor guy on the phone.

that gym boy text me again..ugh. after he told me why he works out i find him completely unattractive. :P what a bore! can i please meet a guy who wants more to life that a good body and to talk about himself?
well i meet those guys but ruin it for myself.

thank you Jesus for diet coke. i know that it is probably not your will for diet coke to exist because there are homicidal chemicals in it, but thank you for a drink that tastes like im not on a diet :)

oh! i found my new pink watch yesterday! it was in the pocket of my jeans..good thing i checked before i washed them :) thanks mom for that life lesson you instilled in me years ago, "always check your pockets before you wash your clothes!"

Thanks to you Mr.O

life's been fun talking to Adam again. boy is that kid driven! i love talking to him because he is so excited about life and he accomplishes all of his dreams. without him even realizing it, he's like my encouragement life coach. apparently on Craig's list you can search for one of these coaches and pay someone to tell you to get off your big butt and do something with your life! like lose weight or fix your marriage or not be such a pansy and ask a girl out. he's my coach for insecurity issues and i don't even have to pay him! yay! it's extremely cheesy but talking to Adam makes me look toward today as one more opportunity to be happy and meet new people and love on those i have. the morning he left i walked out to my car to go to work and he had left his Superman t shirt on the hood of my car. despite where he and i will end up together or not together, the fact is, the boy gives me peace. looking at the Superman shirt in the backseat of my car makes me smile every single day :) thank you Mr.O

stay away find safe places to swim and play!

the last few days have been weird, fun, annoying, exciting, confusing, and eye opening all at the same time. this morning i woke up with relief. im not forced to be with a guy i broke up with for good reason and then told him i missed him and still like him and now after spending three days straight with him i realize why i don't like him. he moved, so that ended that. if he hadn't moved i would have had to go through the drama of telling him i didn't want to be with him once again this time would be the third. the brake ups with Daniel seemed crazy and only likely because of our situation. that is true however, being off and on with adam for the third time shows im the crazy one. different guys same girl always the same thing..maybe im the problem. well not the problem, but im the girl who can't make up her mind and stick to being alone and finding out with i want to do with my life. hey all you hot boys who im attracted to STAY AWAY! i don't want to date any guy i think is attractive and who thinks im attractive back. that's stupid... "oh he's hot..and he thinks im cute lets have a bad relationship and ill hate you at the end :)"